Survey Says...

A friend of mine sent me one of those "How well do you know your friends?" email questionnaires today. I decided to respond with silly answers. Yes, me. I did that. I know you find it hard to believe, but I did. Anyway, I thought I would post it here for fun and shameless self-promotion. Feel free to copy and paste anything you want (come on, you know you will!). Just please, do not fold, spindle of mutilate.

Oh, and don’t' remove the mattress tags. That's illegal.


Questionnaire

Welcome to the new edition of getting to know your friends. Okay here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be lame and spoil the fun! Just copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste into a new e-mail that you can send. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person that sent it to you. Some of you may get this several times. That means you have lots of friends.


1. What is your full name? His Royal Highness, Donald of Sarcasia
1a. What are your nicknames? Dipwad, Hey You, Move I Can't See the TV
2. What color pants are you wearing? Pants?
3. What are you listening to right now? The voices in my head, Queen on the radio
4. What was the last thing you ate? Crow
5. Do you wish on stars?No, it's too hot. I wish at home.
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Flesh tone
7. How is the weather right now? Oval
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Phones are of the Devil
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? In what way?
10. How old are you today? Today, I think I'll be 12.
11. Favorite drink? Nectar
12. Favorite sport? Thumb wrestling
13. Hair color? Where?
14. Do you wear contacts? Yes, but not in my eyes.
15. How many siblings? Not sure. Dad got around.
16. Favorite month? Gregorian or Celtic?
17. Favorite food? Pez, haggis, communion wafers
18. What was the last movie you saw? Maybe you should ask "What was the last movie that saw you?" Don't you think?
19. Favorite day of the year? This year? Well, for this year, so far, I would say February 11th was pretty good. But in general, I like Wednesday during the third week in May, or any Saturday in November.
20. What do you do to vent anger? Can't say - court ordered gag.
21. What was your favorite toy as a child? A large, hollowed-out tree stump named Bob.
22. Favorite is Summer or winter? Most of the time, yes.
23. Prefer hugs or kisses?Don't care for Hershey products. I like Milkyways the best.
24. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate or vanilla what? Body rubs? Cologne? Toothpaste? Socks? It all depends.
25. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Hey, don't make me the heavy, man.
26. Who is most likely to respond? The voices
27. Who is least likely to respond? Jennifer Aniston. She never answers my letters, emails, phone calls, or even when I dance naked in front of her house.
28. When was the last time you cried? Last week, in front of Jennifer Aniston's house. But the LAPD didn't have to use that taser.
29. What is under your bed? Why, what have you heard?
30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? My imaginary friend, Mr. Hugs and Touches. He's come to my room at night for as long as I can remember. At least, I think he's imaginary...He is, isn't he? Um, I need to call my therapist again.
31. What did you do last night? Dug a shallow grave for...well, never mind what for.
32. What are you afraid of? Spaghetti-O's, trout, loud whispers, aluminum foil, anything orange, grass seed, Inuit whale-oil lamps, paper clips (if they're straightened out), lederhosen, game shows, Times New Roman 16 point font, frozen waffles - well, the list is just too long to continue.
33. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn? Cold, unpopped kernels in sausage gravy.
34. Favorite car? My mother
35. Favorite flower? Whole wheat, but white works better for pie crusts.
36. Number of keys on your key ring? It depends upon how you feel the universe is structured. Quantum Physics tells us that everything exists in an infinite number of potential realities simultaneously. So in that sense, my key ring contains an infinite number of keys.
37. How many years at your current job? Technically 7, on the books, but only about 2 of actual work.
38. Favorite day of the week? See question 19 above
39. What did you do for your last birthday? Performed a self-appendectomy.
40. How many states have you lived in? 3 - confusion, anxiety, heightened awareness
42. What do you collect? Discarded french fry boxes, lint, loud noises.