Have you been told that persistence pays off? Stick to your guns! Never give up! Never surrender! The following is an example of this stick-to-it-iveness: a lesson for us all. It is a conversation I had with my two year old son, transcribed here for you my friends (to the best of my recollection).
(Camera pans down. A typical kitchen in a typical house comes into view. In the center of the kitchen stands a father holding a lemur-like two year old boy. The boy is wearing jeans and a long-sleeve tee shirt stained with chocolate ice cream. The boy spots a bag of chocolate chips on a high shelf)
BOY: Want chips.
FATHER: No. No chips.
BOY: Want chips, please.
FATHER: No chips now.
BOY: Want chips.
FATHER: You can’t have any chips now.
BOY: Want chips, please.
FATHER: You just had ice cream.
BOY: Want chips, please.
FATHER: Those are Mommy’s chips.
BOY: Want chips.
FATHER: Daddy said “No.” Now no chips.
BOY: Want chips.
FATHER: Hey look! It's the Doodlebops!
BOY: Want chips, please.
FATHER: It’s just not a good idea for you to have chips now. So stop asking.
BOY: Want chips.
FATHER: So you’re saying you want chips?
BOY: Want chips, please.
FATHER: How about Daddy buys you a puppy?
BOY: Want chips.
FATHER: Here.
BOY: Mmmm.
Try that next time you ask for a raise, or want your spouse to get “a little friendly” with you. Report back to me with your results.
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9 comments:
Dearest Don,
Tried your advice on the wife, and she not only didn't get a little friendly, but gave me a gift instead... a black eye!! Remind me to smack you upside the head the next time I see you.
Great stories Don. I appreciate your humor, even if you are a gigantic dork!
Love,
Sam's Good Looking Brother.
I’ll not tolerate abusive language or insidious comportment on this blog. If you can’t keep a civil tongue (or keyboard) I’ll have to talk directly to your wife. You don’t want that other eye dotted, do you?
Speaking of that, perhaps your approach was off. Did you wake her from a sound sleep at 4:00am to try this? Or perhaps she was going to the bathroom? Or maybe she was at the OB/GYN? I know how you operate. Let’s take it down a notch, eh?
My deepest apologies - I did not realize that I lost control and was insidiously comporting (oof, I think I dislocated my pinky on that one) And so what if she was at the OB/GYN... it got me in the mood. All right, all right, I'll take it down a notch. I said Okay. Stop hitting me.
Too late. The damage is done. This blog will never be the same. How I long (not Howie Long) for those bygone days of innocence, virtue, purity, and incorruptibility. Alas, no more.
No, no, non frere. I long for the days when my blog was pure and unadulterated, and yes, innocent. When visitors comported in a family-friendly manner, whether or not the OB/GYN visits caused arousal, and spoke with an almost Puritanical politeness. A time when it was OK to be "clean" like Bill Cosby, and not "dirty" like Bill Clinton. Where are those days, my friend? Where?
Oh yeah, bite me.
Dearest Don,
I am truly sorry if I did not comport in an appropriately upety manner, and I was even going to go as far as letting you have the last word (however mean it was)since, after all, this is YOUR blog. But comparing me to Clinton????, I'm afraid the gloves are off. I'm having my people contact your people, to get you that laxative you so desperately need
Sam's dashing brother,
I simply meant to compare the styles of the two Bills as a general analogy. It was not meant to imply you are in any way like the second Bill. I must apologize for impuning your integrity in such a way.
By the way, even though I typoed mon frere as non frere, I must still point out that this is the correct spelling of uppity.
Salam alaikum
Sam's smashing best friend,
My integrity feels much better now, thank you.
I was concerned going into this venture all gramatically un-armed like, that eventually I would mess up the spilling of a worf or too, but thought it worth the risk just to converse with a classy dude like yourself.
EIEIO and salami on a kaiser roll to you too!!
I completely understand. I would feel the same way were I you.
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